It never takes to long

I wish I had the courage to say, 'You can never bring me down'. But, I guess that would be a lie. I've never felt so low. I've lost the most important thing a person can lose. Self respect and dignity. I've never felt so incomplete, inhuman, alone, miserable, wasted and forgotten. More than anything, I've never been so scared. All I've ever wanted was to be close to someone. All I've ever wanted is to feel as if I wasn't so alone. I found that. And I lost that now, I suppose. I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. Like I might sink back into what I've always sunk back to. Did you know that the human bbody can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds?

Did you know that you're all that has held me together.

My face is cold, my hands are cold, my fingers are cold. Everything is so cold. Kind of like before. I mean, before we met. Everything just feels so warm when I think about how lucky I am to have you. Now everything just feels so cold because, I know I've messed up again. Even though I'm going to try to keep an open mind while I'm waiting, I wonder if keeping an open mind is the same thing as having an empty mind. Open mind, empty mind. They both hurt the same..